Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Process of Going to the Bathroom at 2 am...

Ok, so I felt so bad tonight that I was in the mood for a little humor, and realized a source at 2 am...

So here is the process I just completed to go to the bathroom at 2 am...

1. Wake up, realize you have to pee like a race horse.
(first haha)
2. Almost jump right out of bed, but STOPPPPP!!!!
3. Remember you have a rare disorder that makes your bones come out of joint, and if you "jump right up" you will be FLAT ON YOUR FACE!
(second haha)
4. Realize your head still hurts like the dickens and you can't breathe, but oh wait, you still have to pee!
5. Stop and think.... what feels out of joint?
6. roll shoulder, it is definitly out!! BIG POW! ok, one down...
7. Try to push self to upright position on bed. Sh*&.... Forgot about wrists, fall back down...
(third haha)
8. On way falling back down POP... a rib decides to go out.... Ugh. ok, we can do this...
(haha... =P )
9. Roll wrists, squeeze and pop fingers, push back up quickly as to avoid the whole falling down thing again, and...
10. crap... elbow won't straighten out all the way... Couple of shakes of the left arm and it is set (literally)...
(haha)
11. Now, what to do about this rib??? That really hurts...
12. Oooh Oooooh I know, roll shoulders backwards, again...again... AGAIN...

SNAP CRACKLE POP... shoulders, clavicles, and there it goes, the insane rib.
(what # haha is this, lost count)

13. Ok, now can I get up? NO WAAAIIITTT!!! Ankles. Damn you ankles. Roll ankles, snap crackle pop...
14. Straighten knees, one or two more pops...
15. Annnnd I think now we might be, ahhh yes, ready to get up.

Stand, ever so cautiously...

Step, ok, yes, I think this is good... No, please don't get dizzy... PLEASE!

It's a good thing its dark in here, because if it were light I might would have seen that corner of the BED!!

16. Hit corner of bed with knee, hip pops! OOOOWWWWW!!
17. Ok, that's it, I've had enough.
18. Quicken the tortoise pace, pee, pee, pee, still peeing... trickle trickle... dribble dribble... Seriously God? Ooookkk, annnnd done.
(haha freakin haha)
19. Stand back up, ankle rolls, pops...
20. And, yes, I think this is definitly worth sharing...

And that was the process of I just went through, all to pee at 2 am, and for what? It's 30 minutes later and I have to pee again... Damn you tethered cord...

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