Nerves

Ha, I guess that title could take on several meanings.

Today it just happens to be "butterflies in my stomach" nerves.

Kimber's appointment is on Thursday. For several days I was researching, thinking of anything the neuromuscular doctor might ask me, anything that might give her a lightbulb moment.

Of course I had to take a step back to see the reality of the situation. I am not her patient. I have to remember that.
I AM NOT HER PATIENT. While she will be asking me questions about my symptoms to clue her in on Kimber's, she is not treating me.

I guess I have just been so blessed with Dr. Scheuerle in that she has always taken me into top consideration. She led me to the doctors I have today. She knew how to help me in small ways that really made a big difference in the long run. But the reality is, not all doctors are that way. I knew this reality. I have worked with doctors who are the exact opposite of Dr. Scheuerle, and I have seen these kinds of doctors personally. They only care about quick answers and getting to the next appointment time. With them, anything out from under their radar of diagnoses, is just the patient exaggerating or playing up stuff that isn't there. It was opinions like that which really kept me from seeking help for a long time. The first doctor I saw played everything off on my weight. Of course, I don't know how being over weight can make you have seizures, but I to him I was just a number on his list of "what now..."

So rather than putting all of my hope in this new doctor I have come to realize that she is not treating me. And if something comes of this appointment that gives her an idea for Kimber that helps me, then wonderful. But, this is for Kimber.

I will put my hope in God that He shows her something for Kimber and maybe I will reap some benefits from it, but I am not her patient and I will not expect her to try and put a real name on the "suspecteds" on my medical records.

So the butterflies in the pit of my stomach about this appointment are really useless. Nothing will become of this appointment that will diagnose me and I will face that.

It hurts, but it is reality.