I thought if I scrubbed down the kitchen it would distract me from the pain. Who knew it would make it hurt worse. Tonight is just about unbearable. God never allows us more than we can handle, so I guess this is not as bad as it could be. There is so much shooting pain that I can't even begin to pinpoint where it begins, where it ends, or how. to fix it. The fuzzy confused brain isn't really helping.
I am trying to take care of the kids, but they are all over the place and I can't keep up with them... I'm dizzy and I can't keep focus and my head and eyes hurt so much. my legs and arms are weak. Where are the doctors now when I am feeling at my worst to see what it gets like. ARG!!! Anyway, I know doctors are not saving me. God will forever save me, and in His own time he will figure out what I need to do and how this is going to work.
I am nervous about this whole work thing. I have until the end of December to figure out what to do, and if I can't go back to patient care by then I am wondering if I will be looking for a new job... I don't know Still waiting on God for that one...
Some days I just try and ignore the symptoms, pretend they are not there. Say I'm fine, and hope maybe they will go away. Usually those days are bad days.
I don't know how to make people understand what this is like. I feel this driven need to make them understand what this is like so I won't be judged. Why do I feel judged?
What now God?
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