Saturday, January 16, 2010

Did to much today.

I never feel it when I am doing it. Well, thats not true, but it is so much easier to ignore the signs when I have things that NEED to get done!!!

But right now God is telling me that it was to much. My body is in revolt. The doc mentioned stroke-like episodes. So, does a heavy right arm and leg which are so hard to move and drooling out that side of my mouth count? Heavy head, heavy chest, hard breathing... Yeah, I'm pretty sure these are telling me that everything I did today was not even worth it. Especially since it all has to be done again and again and again and again....... Oh God. I need you. I need your help!!

Another day... and now I know I did to much...


  1. I'm not sure what happened but a post that popped into my reader which I have read Trish is not on your blog and I understand if you have deleted it and don't want to talk about it or even explain.

    That over doing it thing is becoming a habit. With a family of six it seems inevitable. Sometimes I imagine myself sharing out the tasks in an orderly fashion in your house but then again something I can't achieve in my house is something I would probably be awful at in yours!

    I hope you don't mind me asking but have they identified what type of seizure's you have? That struggling for oxygen sensation you describe can't help surely with seizure's. Oxygen starvation can as I am sure you are aware contribute to increased seizure's, as can sleep deprivation, exhaustion bla bla bla I go on again.

    At what point in your medical system, I just don't understand how it works in the US I am afraid. Is it accepted that you need help, if that cannot be from friends or family then intervention from agencies which assist sick people in their houses, both with physical self care and help in the house and help with the children. Surely this cannot be impossible - even a small start with an hour a day from somewhere. Is this impossible?

    You need urgent respite help.

    I know you have religious convictions but don't know if you attend a church regularly. Is there a pastor/vicar/priest..... in whom you could confide that could arrange anything at all that would be of some help without you having to do that whole 'explaining' thing. If the medical system cannot recognise that you are physically unable to cope with your health and the demands of family life.

    Something has got to give.

    Take care Trish.

  2. the over doing it is more than a habit, its a lifestyle. I am only just now realizing its a problem... well, in the last year that is...

    I could try for government disability, but you have to be out of work for 6 months before they look at your case and risk them saying no, or waiting another 6 months to get the benefits. If I quit, I will lose my insurance. Medical care here is expensive, and I do not want to lose my insurance and have to wait 6 months before I even know if they are going to say yes or no... My husband and I have replayed this scenario in our heads over and over and over... Its so funny. "Something has got to give" is the name of one of my older posts. hahaha.

    The post from last night that you are refering to was out of utter anguish. Desperation. Pain. Yeah, definitly pain too... It created some bad publicity and I don't need that right now either, so I am happy just to have unleashed the beast of bottled up crap and the rest went into the little trash can in my computer... =)

  3. Its that catch 22 situation i think. It took me a very long time to admit that I needed help around the house. Too long. Eventually it wasn't as hard as I thought to just 'do it'. Now I need more - I guess thats my catch 22!