I'm not really feeling the gumption to write all poetic like or be creative or even write how I feel. Here's a few updates for anyone who reads my blog...
1. I got my acceptance letter for disability, but payments don't start until August... I am grateful and sad at the same time. The caseworker in the office won't call me back, so I have no idea when medicare kicks in. In the meantime I did get medicaid to cover until it kicks in. Unfortunately none of my doctors accept medicaid....
2. Good news is the mitochondrial specialist that my kids geneticist referred us to does take medicaid. Ironic is that he is in the same office as my neurologist. Bad thing is that he can't bill to the CHIPS my kids have (state insurance) and they don't have medicaid because they had the CHIPS while I was working... He wants to see them anyway, so myself, Nikki, Kimber and Josh have an appt with him for May 4th. He blocked off an ENTIRE afternoon for us! =)
So I am happy about that.
I keep trying so hard to keep myself going. Can't stop, can't give in to this. If I give in I will get worse for sure. Like falling backward on the stairs... It's so much harder to get back up once you have fallen down 2 flights... I keep trying to walk a lot, go to the park with the kids, go to the store, work in the yard. The more I do the worse I feel, the harder it is to breathe and the weaker I am. So where is the line? You know, the line where something has to give? Because something has to give!!! Every movement feels like a coordinated effort instead of the unconscious effort it's supposed to be...
I don't even want to go into the other stressors... Well, yeah I do. I need to vent... We have 45 dollars left in the bank... No more money coming in and I just found out my benefits wont start until August...... Oh please God!!!!! So if you don't see me online for a while, they probably shut it off.....
I'm sorry if this post is less than enthusiastic, but the last couple of weeks have not been all ice cream and fairy tales for me...
I keep thinking I just need to get through today... and next thing I know it's 2 weeks later.... Is April really almost over??
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yo Trish....sad to hear all you are going through......I understand sicknness, loss of life as you know it and no money in the bank and not knowing where the next dollar or meal is coming from. God always comes through though. One advantage to getting to a worse stage in the game is that people don't look at you as if you are a slacker because you aren't able to do the things you once could or want to. They can't see that anything is wrong on the outside, and have no idea what you are battling with every step of the way just to perform normal everyday task, such as thinking and organizing and even walking with anormal gait. I am believing God for healing for myself and for you, but am realistic as to the symptoms that are real and exhibiting even now. May God fill you with His strength and provision even as the ram was caught in the bushes, when Abraham was sacrificing Iaasac. ok I am through venting and understanding for now, a baby is crying I have to see about....bye
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