50 and thready...

Ha. This is just for my own remembering benefits. Memory is not so swell today, and so I needed to write this down.

My heart's been doing some funny things lately. I can feel it pounding and then it feels like it's not even beating. It is mostly after I have done some serious pushing of myself. The last few nights have been particularly difficult. Light headed, confused a bit, and my heart going crazy, HR in the low 50's, which is not ok for me. Feeling like it is galloping one minute, then feeling like it is swirling. Swirling? Yeah, I guess that's the best way to describe it. Like a back current, an undertow in the ocean, rushing then switching directions. Swirling that makes me gasp and catch my breath. I am hoping that in writing this will illicit some sort of adrenaline response, like a panic scenario that will raise my heart rate and make my chest not feel so weird. Right now my heart rate is 51. My head feels funny and my chest feels funny. Get to the doctor? WHy, so the panic will set in and by the time i get there it will be normal and they'll say what a waste of our time? No thanks.

Tell my doc? WHy so she can ask me to get an appt with my cardio who will then look at me with his gentle giant skeptical look that he gets and do an EKG, which will be subsequently normal because the mere movement into his office will be enough to raise my heart rate... Ask for another 21 day monitor? So he can tell me the first one showed only minor problems which likely haven't gotten worse in just a year... Or so they can both ask me why am I not taking my metoprolol and I can say it's because I don't have insurance and can't afford them without it, for which I will get another "eye" from both of them...

Well, so far it was somewhat effective. Up to 56 now. A little nervous to get up and do a lot to raise it, knowing that is why it is like it is right now... To tell them both about the chest pain, which is not the usual "heavy crushing" pain of a true heart problem. It's a stabby, sharp with some weird feelings in my face and right neck and serious pounding heart at the same time. I can feel each pain as if it were stabbing through my heart with every beat. SOmetimes it's from the front, and sometimes it's from the back. I know these pains can be anything from GI issues to costochondritis, to just nerve pain, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

Ok, done ranting, gotta get up and move...